I am learning the same lessons about girls. Today I thought I was going to see Laura. She was just back from Paris. She called me last night and told me she would come see me at one or so today. She called me when she was here, told me she thought that we would go out to some Talky's place I'd heard of a while ago, and to just come down. When I got downstairs she broke up with me. "Look, I don't this to be a shock.."

Okay. So lie right up until the one moment, to preserve your intent, you have no choice to be truthful.

I am not the person she thought I was, she can't trust me. Bullshit. I'm not 14, I don't have to be lied to make sure I return somebody's belongings. But she doesn't want to be with me anymore. She just wanted a reason, any reason, to move forward with the plot.

I am feeling really shitty and angry. This is what I think that makes me feel that way:

I loved somebody, somebody loved me. Somebody quit loving me for reasons that are not true, and I can't do anything about it because they won't talk to me, ever.

You can't trust the bitches. I thought this was going to be fine because it would be on even terms, but surprisingly, it was the other person who couldn't handle it, and margininalzed it. Testosterone, testosterone, keeps me bitter after I realize that somebody who would do this is not worth caring about. (even though I said I still cared on the phone). I said I cared on the phone because I was so sad to lose somebody I understood and could be understood by. I do care.

I am disappointed because I lost something because of somebody's else's shortcomings. I tried to keep it from being bitter, I was honest, I NEVER lied.

But when honesty and openness are your policy, it leaves a great gaping window of opporunity for someone who will deceive you, with untruthful reasons as justification, to take advantage of you.

They ultimately regard no one but themselves. If they can convince themselves you are where the problem lies, it is easy to leave you, easier to push forward than to actually take responsibility and be accountable for what they've invested.

I thought at first that I had done something wrong, but no. Today, somebody failed me.